1.英语小笑话,要短一点,谢了
Barbers Barber:Did you have ketchup with your lunch,sir? Customer:No,I didn’t。
Barber:In that case,I seem to have slipped with the razor。 理发师 理发师：先生，你吃中午饭时有没有加番茄酱？ 客人：没有啊。
理发师：那样的话，看来是我的剃刀滑掉了。 Worse than That “Professor,I did the best I could on this test。
I really don’t think I deserve a zero。” “Neither do I。
But that’s the lowest grade I’m allowed to give。” 更糟 “教授，这次考试我尽了全力，我真的不认为我该得零分。
” “我也不认为。可是那是我所能给的最底分了。
” Be Responsible Employer:In this job we need someone who is responsible。 Applicant:I’m the one you want。
On my last job,every time anything went wrong,they said I was reponsible。 负责任 雇主：我们需要一位负责任的人来做这份工作。
应征者：我就是你要的人。我在上一份工作时，每次只要出问题，大家都说我得负责任。
2.英语短笑话
一）小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。
小明就坐了下来。 过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet？ 老师说：Go ahead。
小明又坐了下来。 他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！ （二）一对热恋中的男女。
女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“ SAY I LOVEYOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT！” 男的答道：“I T！” （三）一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。 在考试时因为过于紧张， 看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道：turn left？ 监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转…… （四）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。
一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry。 老外应道：I am sorry too。
某人听后又道：I am sorry three。 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for？ 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。
3.求几个英文笑话
Basically,all the sex are same。
习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it。苟不教：If you do not practise all the time。
性乃迁：Sex will leave you。 。
教之道：The way of learning it贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person。搞笑的翻译how are you ? how old are you？怎么是你，怎么老是你？3.you don’t bird me,I don’t bird you你不 鸟我，我也不 鸟你4.you have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers ! together up ！你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！5.hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home！！有事起奏，无事退朝6.you me you me彼此彼此7.You Give Me Stop！！你给我站住！8.know is know noknow is noknow知之为知之， 不知为不 知。
9.WATCH SISTER表妹10.dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’ son can make hole！！龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子大地洞11.American Chinese not enough美中不 足12.one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die车祸现场描述13.heart flower angry open心花怒放14.go past no mistake past走过路过， 不要错过15.小明：I am sorry！老外：I am sorry too！小明：I am sorry three！老外：What are you sorry for？小明：I am sorry five!16.If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one！要钱没有，要命一条17.I call Li old big。 toyear 25。
我叫李老大，今年25。18.you have two down son。
你有两下子。19.as far as you go to die有多远，死多远！！！！20.I give you face you don”t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face给你脸你不 要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence。
子不学：If you don’t study hard，断机杼：Your Dick will become useless。窦燕山 Dou, the Famous有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine教五子 All his five son took it名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown。
养不教 If your children don’t know how to do it，父之过 It is all your fault。教不严 If they had lots of problems with it，师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex。
子不学 You may refuse to study this非所宜 but that is a real mistake幼不学 If you don’t learn it in childhood，老何为 you will lose your ability when aged玉不琢 If you don’t exercise your dick，不成器 It won’t become hard and strong。 人不学 If you don’t learn sex，不知义 You can by no means enjoy its sweetness。
4.求20个英语笑话,要短,要有汉语翻译
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered. “You’re a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. “What kind of bird?” my sister asked. “I didn’t see the bird, ma’ am, only the nest,” replied the child. “Then, can you give us a description of the nest?” my sister encouraged her . “Well, ma’am, it just resembles your hair. ” Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 （2） nest n.窝；巢 （3） description n.描述 （4） encourage v.鼓励 （5） resemble v. 相似；类似 18.鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”
那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I’ve Just Bitten My Tongue “Are we poisonous?” the young snake asked his mother. “Yes, dear,” she replied – “Why do you ask?” “Cause I’ve just bitten my tongue! ” Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 （2） Cause I’ve just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。
句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal – As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, “Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？” 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。
接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。
我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn？ 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。
你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。
虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody — My uncle has 1000 men under him. — He is really somebody. What does he do? — A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 — 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
— 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ — 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. “Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America.” 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家。
5.求简短英文小笑话 有翻译
1、How much English can you speak?”Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What’s more, he only speaks a few words of English.”The judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?”The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet！”中文翻译”法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。
他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。
“法官看了看被告，问道：”你会说多少英文？”被告抬起头，说：”把你的钱包给我！”2A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.He said, “What？”丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。
妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问：”什么？”4、”Tom, what’s the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He’s crying.””Oh, nothing, Mum,” replied Tom. “I’m eating my cake. He is crying because I won’t give him any.””But has he finished his own cake?””Yes.” said Tom. “And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.””汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？” 妈妈在厨房里问。
“他在哭。””没事儿，妈妈，” 汤姆答道。
“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。
“”他已经吃完自己的了么？””是的。” “我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。
“2009-6-7A guy says to his friend, “Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.”The friends says, “If I guess right, will you give me one of them?”The first guys says, “If you guess right, I’ll give you both of them！”路人甲对路人乙说，”猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？”路人乙说：”我猜对了，你能给我一个不？”路人甲说：”你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！”2009-6-4making facesFinding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that”. Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说：”博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。
“博比抬头看了看老师，说：”史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。”2009-6-3A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.While he’s talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they’re leaving, his friend says to his grandma, “Thanks for the peanuts.”She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.”一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说：”谢谢您的花生。
“结果祖母说：”唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。”。
6.急求英语笑话短语~
11Fine for Parking Tell me again,” asked the judge, “why you parked there?” The driver rose and answered respectfully（尊敬地）， “Because, Your Honor, it said ‘Fine for Parking'” (note: “fine” has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong. 2.Self-help I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, “If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose.” (note: “self-help” has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like) 3.I Couldn’t Digest So Many Apples Doctor gravely（严肃地）： “If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead.” Patient: “Sorry, I couldn’t digest（消化） so many apples.” 4.Is This a Question A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question? ” A student wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.” The students received an “A” on the exam. 5.A Dollar Per Point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. Time Is Money As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light,I asked the driver,”Do you agree that ‘Time is money’?” “Well,it’s a very common saying.Who will care so much about that?”the driver answered . “Look,the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped,”I pointed at the meter. “Oh.yes.You’ve got a point here,I胆罚册核夭姑差太倡咖n this case,time is money for both of us,”added the driver. The Korean War Is Over My husband’s brother-in-law,Joseph,an American real estate agent,came to China for a short visit to our city.To show hospitality at the welcoming dinner party,Mr.Sun,the host,entertained Joseph with Chinese wine,saying,”According to our custom,a brother-in-law coming to his wife’s native country for the first time must drink three cups of wine.”Joseph declined the offer by saying,”Thank you,but I can’t drink even one drop.” “Then our dinner won’t be over without your drinking at least one cup,”insisted Mr. Sun. To this,Joseph responded,”The Korean War is over,Don’t attack the Americans any more.” men and beer What do men and beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up That’s once A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, “That’s once!” A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice!” After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.” The farmer said, “That’s once!” Buy me a $200 bicycle for my birthday One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.” Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.” Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too. “And I’ll be DAMNED if I geDo you always wear a condom when you run? Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, “Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!” Ralph looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like hell out there.” Mary cried, “If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!” So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found 。
7.初中英语短句笑话
1、Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, “I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together.” The Canadian said, “I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile.” The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said “Genie, tell me more about this wall,” the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out.” President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge。
Fill it with water！！！ 拉登，一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说：”我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个.”加拿大人说：”我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫，因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃.”精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇，他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问：”精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情.”精灵回答：”墙厚50英尺，高500英尺，因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去.”布什总统说：”哇！那是座大桥耶。注满水！！！” 2、Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:”First, you should make sure that he is already dead.” Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:”What should I do next？” 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。
另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”
于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” 3、Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,”no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen .” “Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down .”the mouse said .”I will tell a flea what I know.” 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。” “请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”
老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
4、Watering Flower In Rain Tom:Why doyou have that watering can? Dan:I’m going to water the flowers. Tom:But it’d raining. Dan:That’s OK.I’m wear-ing my raincoat. 雨天浇花 汤姆：你拿喷壶做什么？ 丹：我要去浇花。 汤姆：可是，在下雨呀！ 丹：没关系，我穿着雨衣呢！ 5、Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。
谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 6 、he Fish Net “Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?” “A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl. 鱼网 “你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？” 老师发问道。
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。” 小女孩回答道。
7、The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. “George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother. “I didn\’t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too。..” 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。 “妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6， 可后来又说2加4也得6。
” 8、A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick\’s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
9 Too Fast or Too Slow A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him. “Was I driving too fast,officer?”the man asked. “NO,”the policeman answered,”You were flying too slow.” 太慢或太快 一个男人正在以130英里每小时的速度行驶，。
8.求简短的英文笑话
New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, “I should have brought my wife！” 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。
他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。
一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来！”Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: “Mom – flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop.” Two days later he received a response: “Pop prepared. Prepare yourself.” 己做好准备 校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈-我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。
让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。
你自己做好准备吧！” Part-time Job When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. “How was your first day?” I asked. “It was great, Dad,” he replied. “I got to talk to some good-looking girls.” Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, “What did you say to them?” “Do you prefer paper or plastic？” 业余工作我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。
“第一天感觉如何？”我问。 |“好极了，爸爸。”
他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。” 由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？” “你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装？Difference “I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,” observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. “When I say, ‘Good afternoon,’ the undergraduates respond, ‘Good afternoon.” But the graduate students just write it down.” 区 别“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。
“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
keep the changeOne sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could “buy” a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases. The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside. But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to “buy” his ice cream, he gave me two hugs. “Keep the changes,” he said with a smile.不用找了有一天天气闷热，我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒，告诉我的四个小孩，他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是，孩子们马上排起了队来购买。
较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下，抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十年的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时，他拥抱了我二下。
“不用找了，”他笑着说。Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. “Please God,” she said, “make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy.” Her mother interrupted and said. “Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?” And Julie replyed, “Because that’s what I put in my geography exam！” 睡前祷告词 朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。
“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。” 妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？” 朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”
That’s Why Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, “This boy’s going to be famous when he’s little older, and then we’re going to sell these pictures for a lot more money.” Jimmy’s pictures were different from other people’s because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. “That’s very clever,” everyone said, “Nobody else does that!” One day somebody bought one of Jimmy’s pictures and then said to him, “Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?” “Because I’m small,” Jimmy said, “and my burshes don’t reach very high.” 原来如此 吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。
他们说，“这个孩子。
9.求几个英语短笑话
Young hopeful:“Father,what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician):“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful:“Well then,what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father:“A convert,my son.” 什么叫叛徒？ 有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。
” 有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, “What happened?” “A kid bit me,” replied Ivan。 “Would you recognize him if you saw him again?” asked his mother。
“I’d know him any where,” said Ivan。 “I have his ear in my pocket。
” 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。 Little Robert asked his mother for two cents。
“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered。 “You’re a good boy,” said the mother proudly。
“Here are two cents more。 But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy。
” 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Doctor: Please open your mouth,madam。
Lady : Thank you very much,doctor。 Doctor: Why do you thank me? Lady : Because my husband always asked me to shut up。
医生：请张开嘴，夫人。 夫人：真谢谢你，医生。
医生：你为什么谢我？ 夫人：因为我丈夫总是叫我闭嘴。
