1.求搞笑英文段子
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
“Are we poisonous?” the young snake asked his mother.
“Yes,dear,” she replied. “Why do you ask?”
“Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!”
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
2.求一些英文幽默句子,越多越好
One should love anim als. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。 Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人；每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。 Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就像照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会发生意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。 Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep. “现在的梦想决定着你的将来，”所以还是再睡一会吧。
Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk” “努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。 God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 上帝决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给你留了余地。
The more you learn,the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn？ 学的越多，知道的越多；知道的越多，忘记的越多；忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？ Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 “Work fascinates me.” I can look at it for hours！ ” “工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作 Money is not everything. There’s Mastercard Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
Love the neighbor. But don’t get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。 Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 追问： 谢谢 追答： 如果满意就采纳吧谢谢 评论0 0 0 你想知道的这里都有 已解决问题：262,007,030 新手帮助 如何提问 如何回答 投诉建议 举报不良信息 意见反馈及投诉 搜狗问问小程序 企业推广 – 输入法 – 浏览器 – 隐私政策 – 免责声明 – 用户协议 – 帮助 © 2019 SOGOU.COM 京ICP证050897号。
3.跪求有趣的英文句子,如Canyoucanacanasacannercancanacan
1.Can you can a can as a canner can can a can？你能够像罐头工人一样装罐头吗？2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish,but if you wish the wish the witch wishes,I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.我希望梦想着你梦想中的梦想，但是如果你梦想着女巫的梦想，我就不想梦想着你梦想中的梦想.3.I scream,you scream,we all scream for ice-cream！我叫喊，你叫喊，我们都喊着要冰淇淋！4.How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.如果一个好的厨师能做小甜饼，那么他能做多少小甜饼呢？一个好的厨师能做出和其它好厨师一样多的小甜饼.5.The driver was drunk and drove the doctor’s car directly into the deep ditch.这个司机喝醉了，他把医生的车开进了一个大深沟里.6.Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not.Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot.We’ll weather the weather whether we like it or not.无论是晴天或是阴天.无论是冷或是暖，不管喜欢与否，我们都要经受风霜雨露.7.Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked？彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜.彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜.那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪儿？8.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,I wouldn’t have thought so much.我有一种想法，但是我的这种想法不是我曾经想到的那种想法.如果这种想法是我曾经想到的想法，我就不会想那么多了.9.Amid the mists and coldest frosts,With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,He thrusts his fists against the posts,And still insists he sees the ghosts.雾蒙蒙，冰霜冻，手腕儿空空，话儿涌，只见他猛所拳头往柱子上砸，直说自己把鬼碰.10.Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards,but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton.巴德明在台球上能够打败比尔，但是打羽毛球比尔常常大败巴德明.11.Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better butter.贝蒂敲打一小块黄油要做一块更好的奶油面.12.Rita repeated what Reardon recited when Reardon read the remarks.当里尔登读评论时，丽塔重复里尔登背诵的东西.13.Few free fruit flies fly from flames.没有几只果蝇从火焰中飞过去.14.Fifty-five flags freely flutter from the floating frigate.五十五面旗子在轻轻漂浮的战舰上自由的飘扬.15.There is no need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.for a bright night light is just like a slight light.像今夜这样明亮的夜晚，就不需要点一盏夜灯，因为明亮的夜灯也会变得微弱.17.A pleasant peasant keeps a pleasant pheasant and both the peasant and the pheasant are having a pleasant time together.一位和气的农民养了一只伶俐的野鸡，而且这位和气的农民和这只伶俐的野鸡在一起度过了一段很美好的时光18.How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets？如果裁纸机能裁纸的话，一个裁纸机能裁多少张纸呢？19.Mr.See owned a saw and Mr.Soar owned a seesaw.Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See.西先生有一个锯，萨先生有一个秋千.现在在萨先生看见西先生之前，西先生的锯锯断了萨先生的秋千.20.If you’re keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.如果你非常相要好的风筝和精彩的表演，就去买一只漂亮的，灵巧的风筝吧.21.Ted sent Fred ten hens yesterday so Fred’s fresh bread is ready already.特德昨天给弗莱德送去了十只母鸡，所以弗莱德的新鲜面包已经准备好了.22.A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing net.一个名叫费希尔的芬兰渔民在一个星期五的下午未能捕捉到任何鱼，结果他民现他的渔网上有一个大裂口.23.Franc’s father is frying French fries for his five fire-fighter friends after they finished a fire-fighting in a factory.在结束对一家工厂的灭火战斗以后，弗兰克的父亲在为他的五个消防队员朋友炸制法式土豆（炸薯条）。
4.翻译一段英语幽默AnAdvertisementforModern
摩登自行车广告 汤姆在报纸上看到一辆很漂亮的摩登自行车的广告，标价50英镑，于是他到商店去看一看。
汤姆很仔细地看完那辆自行车后，转过身对店主说：“这辆自行车少了一盏灯，但在广告上的自行车是有的。”“是的，先生，”店主回答说，“但那盏灯不包括在自行车的价格里面，是另外收费的。”
“不包括在自行车价格里面？”汤姆很生气，“但这是不诚实的。如果灯在广告上，它就应该包括在你所标出的价格之内。”
“嗯，先生，”店主冷静地回答：“在我们的自行车广告上还有一个女孩，难道我们也要为您提供一个吗？”。
5.英语幽默短句100个
1. Money is not everything. There’s Mastercard and Visa.
钞票不是万能的，毕竟有时还需要信用卡。
2. One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
3. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水，所以尽量和女友一起洗澡。
4. Love the neighbor. But don’t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
5. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个或更多。
6. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，毕竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
7. The wise never marry,and when they marry they become otherwise..
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
8. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，它会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。
9. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就像照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
6.能给几个搞笑又经典的英文句子
The nice men are ugly.好男人不帅。
The handsome men are not nice.帅男人不好。The handsome and nice men are gay.又帅又好的男人是同性恋。
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.又帅又好又不是同性恋的男人都结婚了。Men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.不是很帅但是很好的男人却没有钱。
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.不是很帅但是又好又有钱的男人会认为我们看上的是他们的钱。The handsome men without money are after our money.而没有钱但是很帅的男人看上的是我们的钱。
The handsome men, who are not so nice and some what heterosexual don’t think we are beautiful enough.不是很好但是很帅又是异性恋的男人却嫌我们不够漂亮。The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.又好又有钱又是异性恋又觉得我们漂亮的男人却又没胆量。
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE！又好又帅又有点钱而且是个异性恋的男人偏偏害羞而且从不采取行动。The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest on us when we take the initiative.那些从不主动的男人一旦我们采取主动就对我们失去兴趣。
NOW。WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTaNDS MEN？现在。
到底有谁了解男人这东西？。
7.要一段英语笑话,越短越好,最好简单些,有翻译
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer,” I see that your pig likes apples, but isn”t that quite a waste of time?” The farmer replied,” What”s time to a pig?”
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，”我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗？”那位农夫回答说，”时间对猪有什么意义？”
